Rumors, Gossip, Hearsay, and You

We all grew up with it, rumors, gossip, and hearsay; people talking to people about other people. I can remember it back in elementary school, but I was not nearly as attuned to it as I am now, and by no means do I consider myself well versed in such methods, but I have certainly been exposed to a lot more of it through my high school and college years and even now. Let me start out with a few definitions:

Rumor (ru·mor) n. - 1. a story or statement in general circulation without confirmation or certainty as to facts 2. gossip; hearsay

Rumormonger (ru·mor·mon·ger) n. - One who spreads rumors

Gossip (gos·sip) n. - idle talk or rumor, especially about the personal or private affairs of others

Hearsay (hear·say) n. - 1. unverified, unofficial information gained or acquired from another and not part of one's direct knowledge 2. an item of idle or unverified information or gossip; rumor

The definitions pretty much go full circle, with 'rumor' covering 'gossip' and 'hearsay' and then 'hearsay' leading back to 'rumor'. Combine the definitions, and gossip, hearsay, and rumors are defined as a story or statement in general circulation, about the personal or private affairs of others, often without confirmation of certainty of facts. That statement sounds pretty awful. People talk about other people's private lives, not concerned with the real facts, and the more 'juicy' the facts, the less people care if it is the truth or not.

Rumormongering, spreading rumors, is rude and bad mannered, and can cause rifts in friendships and relationships. But friends still gossip and listen to hearsay without considering the feelings of the person or group they are talking about. Rumors often come from one person who hears small detail about someone, thinks it is worth telling to friends and embellishes it, usually adding their own prejudice or feelings into this small detail. The most common rumors and gossip is about other people's relationships; who they are dating, relationship status, relationship problems, etc... The type of details that are none of their concern. Knowing the details about your friends' relationships is a privilege, not a right, and that privilege should be exercised accordingly (meaning, not telling everyone who have no need to know).

People who gossip and rumormonger about other peoples' relationships and lives have no business doing what they are doing. If a couple decides to discuss their private life with friends, they will tell them about it personally, you should not be discussing the private affairs of your friends behind their backs. I am not saying it is savvy to talk about their affairs when they are present, but at least they can stop conversation or verify details about their personal lives if they are present.

I will concede that gossip can be good, but more times than not, gossip and hearsay is hurtful to someones' feelings. I have read books where peoples' lives are destroyed by an errant rumor, I have witnessed, in real life, the havoc rumors and gossip can have on groups of friends. I admit, listening to gossip is thrilling, and certain gossip can be harmless; telling others about someone receiving an award or talking about someone's acceptance in a prestigious academy. Those examples are harmless gossip and are fine to talk about. The type of gossip and rumormongering that is not savvy, is talking about an argument you overheard between friends, who are dating, and then making gut judgments on their relationship, with no facts to back up the judgment. The next thing you know, that gossip you talked about has turned into a malicious rumor and people start getting hurt. In the first place, you had no business overhearing the conversation, and you have even less right to discuss it with friends and make conclusions.

In the intelligence community hearsay has little to no credibility, when it comes to intelligence gathering. And in personal lives; even if it is given little credence, it does not make it any less hurtful.

So, next time you overhear a choice tidbit of information about your friends, pause and think if it you have a right to tell others and if it can hurt the person whom you are talking about.

Ciao,
-K