"Let's Just Be Friends"

It's been a while since I've blogged. I either haven't had the chance, or maybe it's because I haven't been in school where I have inspirational Psychology to spurn the blogs I've typed up in the past, haha. The other day, my younger sister told me she enjoyed reading some of my blogs and that I write well. I thank her for that (I write well? Sure.). It's partly because of her and some unfortunate events that lead me to this next blog.

Again, this blog revolves around romantic things, to which I am hardly qualified to write about. I'd like to assume that I am qualified, but reading situational romantic stories and scenarios hardly qualifies me to write about this sort of thing. I will still write about it, but remember, please take what I write with a grain of salt. I should also point out (for my girlfriend) that this purely from an objective viewpoint and are just opinions. Also, this blog has no direction, you've been warned.

"Let's just be friends."

Those words you would have loved to hear from the 'large boned' 4th grade bully, who terrorized you and your fellow first graders, back in grade school. But those words were never forthcoming. Her reign of terror, (What? You expected a male bully? Welcome to the 21st century.), only ended because she graduated. I digress…

"Let's just be friends." Did you just feel a chill run down your spine? You have every right to feel that, because when you are in a relationship, those are some of the last words you want to be heard together, in a sentence. Guys probably felt the chill, more than the girls, because more so than not, the girl will say those words when they wish to end a relationship. The reasoning behind saying those words can be seen from different views. On one side, the person really wants to remain friends with you. They just don't want to be your boyfriend or girlfriend for reasons to broad to even cover. They met someone else, but still think you are cool, and they want to hang out with you still and talk, but they need to be free so they can pursue their next match-up. Or the person simply wants to cushion the break-up.

For the latter reason, in the previous paragraph, it's hardly a cushion, and can be an even harder break-up. When you break-up with a person, you want it to be simple and clean. No beating around the bush, no pre-emptive speeches, no disguising the truth with a fancy dinner or one last make-out session (I hear high emotions make for a nice aphrodisiac). When you break-up with a person you want to cut the strings quickly, and then proceed to be there to help break the fall. You want to pick a neutral location, so that they aren't emotionally attached to a location that might drudge up the breakup later. You don't do it in an email, phone, fax, page, voicemail, forum, or letter. You don't do it at their house or at a restaurant. In my opinion, the best place is at your place, hopefully where they are comfortable. Don't make a big deal out of it, I recommend not making dinner. If you don't want to seem ominous, ask them over to your house for drinks or ask them over to hang-out with you. When they come over, offer something to do drink, during which you can cover with some casual chitchat. When you are seated, that's when you tell them. You can say something like, 'I don't think we can be together anymore.'. Personally I can't tell you what the right thing to say is. But after you tell them something indicating an end to the relationship; quickly proceed to explain to them why you are breaking up with them.

After you give your explanation (be sure to have one, else they'll think that you are breaking up for no reason or for someone else), be prepared to answer a lot of questions, possibly explaining yourself a few more times, there may be tears, and there may be violent outbursts (which I hope doesn't happen). If you are a girl, and you are afraid that the guy may get irrational, you may want to have a guy friend in the other room or close by, but I sincerely hope you don't have a guy who would become physically abusive. Anyway, before the person leaves, make sure that you've explained the break-up to the best of your abilities, and that the person understands. It may take 15 minutes or 2 hours. Be patient, you broke up with him/her, the least they deserve is time. And when they leave there should be no hugs, no kisses, and no handshakes. Another reason for picking your place for the breakup is that when they leave, they will have the illusion of leaving you, allowing them to maintain some pride. After all, you did the dumping.

If you don't plan on seeing the person anymore, then you are done. But, if you plan on staying friends with the person, make sure you leave an opening for that, before they leave. If they bring it up, then it's fine, and go with that. If they didn't bring up friendship, you can ask him/her to be friends, but let them be in control. You pretty much will have to ask for their permission to be friends. Try to indicate that it would not be an immediate thing, but maybe in a two or three months or possibly even a half a year to a year. Remember, you'll need to time to sort through your emotions, as well as your ex.

Moving on… So let's say that you break up with your boyfriend and girlfriend. Do you remain friends? Or don't you? That depends on a few factors.

Was the break up amicable? Meaning, were you on speaking terms with each other after you broke up? Whether yes or no, that doesn't necessarily determine whether you will remain friends. I prefer to think that there are other factors involved. A friendship can weather fights and disagreements. So that is the main point; were you friends before the relationship? Some relationships are based on lust and desire (we like to call those 'sexual relationships') and those people tend not to be friends, if they breakup. (They may be on good terms with each other, but that only extends to a smile, wave, or greeting in public.) Some relationships are arranged, but then again, we don't really live in that era anymore, at least I hope not. Other relationships are based off of a traumatic or emotional experience, such as being marooned on an island together, but, that's rather far fetched. You could also get one of those 'captive falling for captor' situations, but that's just weird. Then there are the relationships that are based or built off friendship. All these type of relationships have the potential for friendship after a breakup. But I would tend to favor the relationships based off of friendship. Friendship can mean many years or just a few weeks (days, if you spend everyday together). You both will have something in common, and even after you breakup, you probably still have that thing or things in common still. And the desire to be able to be able to talk about your common interests will probably remain, as they were not hinged on your making out or anything else that happens in a relationship. Then again, it's possible that your common interests would be a sore spot in a failed relationship.

Of course there are the ever-mysterious middle and high school flings that defy all logical relationship rules. These flings (note, 'relationship' does not even qualify) are common in middle and high school. The different combinations of girl and boyfriends are only limited to the number of popular and shallow people in the school. One day Bobby is with Samantha, but a couple of days later they have a tear filled break-up, all because Samantha got a note from her girlfriends that Bobby was seen making out with one of the cheerleaders behind the bleachers. Was it true? No use trying to find out, because no amount of reasoning will win Samantha back to Bobby's side, even if Bobby was in the hospital because of a burst appendix. The note is more valid than any doctor's signature… somehow, someway, Bobby had sucked face with that cheerleader. And of course Bobby's next 'girlfriend' becomes Sam's sworn enemy, as she is that chick that stole Bobby, completely ignoring the fact that she dumped Bobby.

I think this is the end of the blog. Like I said earlier, this blog had no real direction besides having a focus on relationships.

Ciao for now.